It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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