I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
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Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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