Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
