drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize