I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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