when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
