you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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