I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
