Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
