i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
