What did we do last night that was yellow?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
