Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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