I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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