hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
