I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
