I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
