Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
