No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
