we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
