I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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