Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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