im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
did you just send me my own nude
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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