Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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