Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
