I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
