she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
