Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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