trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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