I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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