I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
