dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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