Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
