..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
