I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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