I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
