i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
