I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
