My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
