thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
