party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
