There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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