Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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