All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
