We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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