I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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