somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she smelled like a LAN party
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize