is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
