what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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