My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
