When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
