Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
