arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
