Don't make out with my wife yet
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
