Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
