I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
