Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
