I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
