you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
