how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
