Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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