Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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