woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
