My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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