The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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