We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
